Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Girl, That Guy Isn't Just Your "Friend"

If only I could go back in time and have a talk with myself. I was such an idiot. But I hope I can save some girls out there from wondering what’s up with those guy “friends” they have. I’ll tell you what’s up.

I used to believe with all my naive and trusting heart that men and women could just be friends. Not only that, but great friends. Best friends. And EVERY man that I thought was my friend proved me wrong. And other males are quick to tell me why. It still took me 40-something years to believe it, but here’s what my research has told me: most men only stay around if they want to have sex with you. Not all of them, but most of them. Unless you are under the age of, say, ten or eleven. And even then, I wonder…

I’m not talking about saying “good morning” or being polite. I’m talking about friendship. Talking. Listening. The things people do when they get to know each other. Even if the idea or subject of sex comes up and you think it’s settled, that you are just friends, that no one is lusting after the other, SOMEONE is usually lying. And if it isn’t you, girlfriend, it’s him.

There is no other reason a man would a) listen to you bitch about another man b) laugh at your jokes (unless you are REALLY witty) and/or c) stay up all night talking. He MUST think there’s a chance that one day you’ll be so drunk/sad/desperate/willing/or just so tired of saying no that he will get to have sex with you. Or else he’d be with someone else. And therein lies the frustration. He likes you, obviously. So why does he have to bring up the penis/vagina thing? I don’t know. I just don’t. My wisdom ends there.

I used to think I was such an exception. I am funnier than a lot of the guys I know. I’m not hideous. I’ve always had male friends. But only a few of them never hit on me. And guess what? Most of them were gay. A couple of them had morals. And they were awesome friends, I might add.

I miss them, and only appreciate them more because everyone else has just been a huge disappointment. One day, you realize the whole time you were talking about whatever, your male “friend” was just wondering what you look like naked. It sucks, but accept it now. It will save you a lot of confusion, frustration and embarrassment. You’ll know not to put so much love, trust and confidence into a person who will walk out when you don’t put out. And according to the guys I know, and have known, it’s the only reason they hang around. Or is it just me?

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